Pregnancy - the aftermath

Did you just have a baby?  You survived the long seventeen years nine months of pregnancy, you popped out a kid and you think you're done and all you have to do is raise your beautiful baby girl or boy.  You think since you survived those long months of pregnancy related side-effects, you are ready to go back to the way "things used to be."  Wrong!

If you are one of those people that gives birth and hops right into your pre-pregnancy clothes, try not to rub it in to the rest of us.  If you are one of those people that doesn't suffer from any of the following ailments post-pregnancy, this is not for you....and I repeat, try not to rub it in.....

1. Feet - Pregnant women tend to have swollen feet during pregnancy.  I didn't exactly have swollen feet....mine were more like hot air balloons on the bottom of my ankles.  I spent the last few months in flip flops because not even Frankenstein's boots would have covered those bad boys.  So a few weeks after pregnancy, when the swelling subsided, I was finally ready to get back into all my cute shoes.  Well call me a Cinderella's stepsister, because most of my shoe collection no longer fits.  So those few people that you may hear about that their feet permanently grow after pregnancy - yeah.....I got that....All those pretty shoes in my closet that don't serve a purpose anymore - OH THE HUMANITY!!!
2. Post-pregnancy brain - I know that some women get upset when people talk about "pregnancy brain."  I don't think people are trying to insult pregnant women, only merely point out that their minds might not be working as effectively.  Whether the flood of hormones is overtaking parts of it or you are too busy googling every random symptom you have or picking out crib bedding to pay attention to other things, either way, things might be fuzzy.  Is it just me or is post-pregnancy a legitimate thing too?  I guess this is what is meant by "mommy brain."  How can I be searching all over my car for my sunglasses to find they are on my head?  How can I forget what day of the week it is?  No, seriously...what day is it?
3. Sleep - Is an explanation necessary here?  You just had a baby...sleep is a pastime.  In the 3rd trimester, people cruelly tell you "Hurry and get sleep while you still can!"  That is cruel because in the 3rd trimester, with the round ligament pains, hip pains, peeing every 30 seconds, hot flashes and Braxton-Hicks contractions, it's a wonder you got any sleep at all.  And as you would expect, little junior you just birthed is up and ready to eat, regardless of what sleep you would like to get.  Unlike my enormous feet, this at least gets better with time....
4. Hot flashes -  Yes, I was the pregnant woman wearing flip flops (because my feet were huge) without a coat (because my belly everything was huge) in 40 degree weather and was still sweating.  Now that my hormones are under control, this is much better, but I feel like I'm still HOT!  What up?!
5. Period - There's a silver lining to all this pregnancy and post-pregnancy madness - NO PERIOD!  This is Mother Nature's piddly consolation prize for the other torture fun times you have endured growing your human.  However, don't get excited yet.  When is it going to start back?  There's no telling.  That means you might want to start stocking up some feminine protection in your purse again.  Since, over the last 9 months, you've probably given away all your tampons to your girlfriends who weren't in a delicate state, you might be the unsuspecting fool when Aunt Flo decides to come to town. 

Are we having fun yet?  HA!

What weird changes have you experienced that you didn't expect?

[Note:  I say these things in jest.  Every bit of pregnancy and post-pregnancy is absolutely worth it when you give birth to your peeing, pooping, cooing, smiling, chubby, curious, adorably baby and your heart bursts ]