Disappointed in myself

So William is almost a year old and my weight loss has been absolutely pathetic.  Not that I was so successful prior to becoming pregnant, but I have been very disappointed in my progress or complete lack of....

In January, I wrote about how I was going to start my weight loss journey and here I am, nearly 40 weeks later with the same problem I had in the beginning.  Working out is hard to come by since I'm usually taking care of lil' man in the evenings.  Getting to the gym has been absolutely difficult - although I keep on handing them over the money every.single.month. 

In the spring, I did Race For the Cure and did my best to run most of the 3k and did some training leading up to it.  I was determined to keep on training to be able to run another race in the summer.  Not sure if you noticed but....it's fall now. 

If food wasn't just so dang good, I could at least make some progress on that front.  Alas, I'm still working on my self control, although I am getting better and go in phases of good behavior followed by phases of atrocious eating habits. 

I know WHAT to do.  It's just a matter of DOING IT - what a concept, right?!  I need to stop making excuses and get my rear to the gym (even if it means going before work - GASP - at 5am).  If you see me with heading to a vending machine with a dollar bill or going thru a fast food drive thru, I am giving you full permission to slap me - no...seriously....or yell. 

If I would have kept it up 40 weeks ago and lost just one pound a week....well, you can do the math - I'd be THERE already!  I need to make some permanent changes and make it stick this time!

Anyone else out there struggling too?  Anyone have any good tips or work out help with baby?

My favorite time of day

Morning - my favorite time of day.  I wake up (after about 3 snoozes on my alarm) and I sneak a peak at my baby boy, sleeping peacefully in his crib.  Shower, dress, pack lunch and get everything ready to leave for work. 

Then the day begins. 

I tiptoe into lil' man's room and pick him up.  He reaches his arms up to stretch and as I pull him to my chest, he sticks his little butt up in the air, like babies do.  While he's still half asleep, I change him.  Then I nurse him.  I don't turn on the TV.  I don't look at my phone.  I don't think about work.  I don't think about what I need to do after I get off work or tomorrow or next week.  I just nurse him and admire him.  His eyes are still closed and he makes a squeak here and there while eating.  He moves his fingers around and taps my breast.  He's mine...all mine.  He's the most beautiful thing that my eyes have ever seen.  How could I have been so arrogant to think I even had a clue what this would feel like before I was a mother.  My heart explodes.

I place him back in his crib until he wakes up for daddy to start his day with him.  Then the day moves ahead at fast forward speed as I head to work and when I get off, more 'stuff' to do.  But for those 30 minutes or so...just nursing and cuddling with my guy, nothing else matters.....

Pumping at Work

Returning to work after maternity leave can be a big step.  You just had a baby and have spent time off recovering and cuddling up to your little one.  Now you are expected to jump back into the routine of things.  You still want to breastfeed to give your little one the benefits of your milk so you have to tackle pumping and work.  Here are some of my suggestions for returning to work.

1. Know your rights - Ensure you understand your rights when you return to work in regards to your time to pump.  Your employer might already have guidelines and protection for employees to grant them time.  Also, because of federal health reform, an employer is required to provide appropriate time to women to express milk (may be unpaid) up to one year.  Some states have even more legislation protecting these women.  Check it out here:  Breastfeeding State Laws
2. Plan ahead - Talk to your manager or HR about your plans to pump once you return to work.  Where will you be permitted to pump?  Your employer may have a space dedicated for nursing mothers.  If not, what accommodations will be made to allow you the privacy you need.  Keep in mind, under the revisions of the Fair Labor Standards Act, a bathroom is not considered a "permissible" location under the Act.
3. Invest in a pump - Try to make room in your budget for one that will work for you, whether you are planning to buy or rent one.  Since you are returning to work, you might prefer an double electric pump for efficiency.  Check reviews, check manufacturing warranties, ask your friends.  Your pump will become your new best friend!
4. Manage your time - Since you will be taking additional time out of your day to save some milky goodness for your little one, make sure you are managing your time wisely.  Be sure to schedule time on your calendar or with your job tasks that allows you to get the time that you need to do this without going crazy.  Work this out with your supervisor ahead of time so it's one less thing you have to worry about when you return.
5. Minimize stress - Since stress can be a killer for your milk supply, try to minimize your stress levels [yeah, yeah, I know...you now have a newborn and possibly other children and now you have to work....stress might be inevitable].  Once you get to where you will be pumping, try to relax!  Read a book, close your eyes, look at pictures of your little one, take your time - anything to help you relax! [I love taking my phone with me and watching a video of my lil' man that I have saved on it. It helps me relax, brings a smile to my face and even helps with my milk let down!]
6. Seek help - Returning to work and pumping can wreak havoc on your milk supply. If problems arise, seek help early to get things back on track. Check to see if there is a La Leche League in your area or other breastfeeding resources available.
7. Keep it up! - It takes extra time and added work to your already busy schedule, but keep up the good work!  You are giving your baby the best and you should be proud of yourself!  The same is true for anyone who decides to breastfeed, make sure you have family and friends around that are supporting of your decision.  They may be the ones to help you when the road gets rocky!

Getting to the gym...

So on my quest to lose the baby weight, I am working to get both sides of the equation started - working out and eating better.  The eating better will just take some self control on my part and some due diligence when it comes to the grocery shopping. 

The working out part is a little trickier.  I'm already waking up at 5am to get ready for work and to feed lil' man, so working out in the morning would require waking up at a time that starts with a '4' and I'm just not OK with that.  HA!  When I get off work, I'm so excited to get home to my lil' man and if it's timed right, will feed him right away.  Then it leads into making and eating dinner and whatever else I need to do and then another feeding and then hopefully (cross my fingers!) it's bedtime.  So I'm pretty much going to have to dust off my Wii Fit to get some at home exercise.  However, the hubby and I made it to the gym twice over the weekend.  We took turns walking William around the indoor track - William in his stroller (lucky!).  Then switched off to do some strength training.  It was perfect as long as lil' man wasn't fussy - he slept pretty much the whole time anyway. 

How could I not be motivated looking at this face while working out! 

Why did I bother wearing make-up?

First day back to work after nearly two months off for vacation and maternity leave and holiday...

It was a soggy day...

It started off just fine.  Fed the lil' man, made myself some breakfast, packed my lunch, showered, dressed and got everything else ready to go.  Then it was time to physically get in my car and drive myself to work for the entire day.  I went to say goodbye to my lil' "stinky" in his bassinet in our bedroom.  He was peacefully sleeping, but I had to pick him to give him a big mommy kiss and hug.  Cue the waterworks. 

I was a mess all the way to work when I finally decided, while pulling in the parking lot, that I needed to pull myself together and perhaps freshen up my make-up to not look like a weeping, sloppy mess as I walked into work after my time off.  Why did I bother to wear make-up at all?

As the hours passed and I found myself keeping busy while playing catch-up, it became easier and easier.  Adam sent me some picture texts of my baby boy at home and I had plenty ready to hang all around my desk!

I'm sure tomorrow will be even easier and it will continue to get easier.

And I get the most wonderful thing in the entire world to come home to each day!!!

Dreading Monday

In less than 24 hours, it will be a very sad day. After over seven weeks off with vacation, maternity leave and the Christmas holiday, I will be heading back to work.

Although I am looking forward to working again and catching up on my work from my time off, the very thought of leaving William for nearly ten hours a day is enough to split my heart in half. Since Adam is in school and only has classes in afternoons, he will be able to take care of William during the day and Adam's mom and dad will be able to watch him in the afternoons. I'm thankful that we don't have to send William to daycare, but at the same time, it breaks my heart that I'm not able to stay home with him.

In only seven weeks, he has changed so much and I hate to let him go to miss even a second of it. I'm very thankful that I have the ability to take even seven weeks (all paid) off to spend with Adam and Liam. I'm just broken-hearted to see it finally over.

Starting back to work will absolutely be an adjustment - I will definitely be going in each day on a lot less sleep. Getting ready in the morning and having to change and nurse William will be much more hectic for my morning routine. Pumping several times during the day (I'm determined to continue breastfeeding even when I start back!) will take some getting used to - I will have to be much more efficient with my work to make this happen. Coordinating William's care and when I get off and picking him up in the afternoons will add another step in my daily routine. None of this is the end of the world - just an adjustment.

Even the very thought of waking up tomorrow morning, to hand William off to my hubby for the day, brings tears to my eyes. I know he'll be just fine....but I might have a missing piece of me during the day....