Weaned...

It's been a long time coming but William is finally done nursing.  Our breastfeeding journey together has ended in part due to lack of interest anymore and (mostly) because of my lack of supply.  I am so happy to have made it to a year.  Although I understand the difficulties so many face, William was a master nurser from the beginning.  We both learned quickly and had minimal hurdles at the beginning.  Definite supply issues from the start and a few bouts of mastitis couldn't stop us from moving on.  I made it through pumping at work and have actually never spent a night away from lil' man (I think this calls for a vacation, right?). 

Over the past few weeks, William has been a little (ok, a lot) less interested.  We were finally down to morning and night feedings (wohoo to no more pumping at work!).  Then we were down to just mornings.  Then, one morning, he just decided he was finished. 

I know it was the right time for us and I'm happy to have made it this long.  I'm sure he doesn't notice much of a difference and doesn't notice the transition.  So why am I sad?  I have mixed feelings of sadness and relief.  Although it's nice to not have to worry about where I'll be and timing feedings and worrying about supply and dealing with mastitis or teething, it breaks my heart to lose some of those cuddles and bonding we shared.  It also reminds me that he's growing up... [sigh]....

The beginning of the end

Today I am sad.  The time has come when we have had to have infant formula added to our grocery list.  Lil' man and me have made it eight months, one week and six days with breastfeeding and my supply has dropped to the point where we are needing to supplement. 

If you would have asked me nine months ago how this would make me feel, I don't think I would have thought anything of it.  But now?  After eight and a half months of bonding and putting in the effort to  make breastfeeding work, I'm crushed. 

I understand this does not make me a bad mother.  I understand I should be happy to have made it this far.  I understand that William and I will continue to bond in other ways and I will continue to try to nurse and pump as much as I am able to get him some of my milk.  Even knowing this, why is it still breaking my heart? 

Breastfeeding has been one of the most wonderful experiences I have ever had in my life.  It has evolved as William has grown and starting to wean him will be just one of the other million signs that he is growing up.  I will miss the time we have gotten to spend together during the day and at all hours of the night.  (yes, even then)

Breastfeeding Rollercoaster

OK, if you are reading my blog and thinking - "Geez, I wish this woman would stop talking about her milk and/or boobs and/or nipples..." - then this probably isn't the post for you.  Fair warning.

So while I was out on maternity leave, I had breastmilk galor.  Cows were jealous of my milk that was inevitably sprinkled on the bathroom floor because I couldn't get in the shower fast enough or all over my jeans when I tried to nurse lil' man in the mall.  You get it...I had tons.  When I started back to work, it started off great and then all of a sudden my supply plumeted out of no where.  [Read: Breastfeeding Troubles] I increased my pumping sessions to try to increase with little luck.  I increased what I was eating.  I tried different foods.  I drank more water.  Nothing worked.  Then I discovered fenugreek and had great luck with it.  My supply had increased enough so I didn't have to supplment.  [Read: Breastfeeding Rebound] Mama happy.

That lasted a little while longer and then slowly, supply started to drop again even if I drank, ate, took fenugreek, jumped up and down while singing that milkshake song religiously.  I figured it was the end of my breastfeeding journey.  I knew I hadn't 'failed' but it wasn't what I wanted. 

Well, I figured it out....what was causing my supply issues.  Yay for figuring it out.  Boo for not realizing sooner.

There has been a go-to item in my wardrobe that I have a million on hand.  Ok, maybe not a million, but at least a dozen.  I wore them throughout pregnancy and since I went back to work - tank tops with a built in bra.  My favorite are from Express - they are very fitting and slimming and smoothing and help contain the "situation" I have up top from bobbing around and giving people black eyes.  They stay stretchy and tight too!  I wore them around my huge belly during pregnancy and seriously, they are still in great shape. 

Umm...OK, so does anyone see a problem with a nursing mother who is trying to keep her milk production up and then going and putting on a super tight tank top?  So yes, I have now stopped wearing those and voila - milk again!  No need for fenugreek either.  Mama happy...again.   

So having problems with your milk supply?  Maybe look at what kind of clothing or bra you are wearing to make sure you aren't causing problems under your shirt. 

The Dreaded Teething....

Everyone knows it happens - the drool, the crying, the teething rings, infant Tylenol.  All being the tell-tale signs of teething.  It's a new phase of motherhood.  A phase I lovingly have begun to call salt-water-taffy-nipples. 

Recently, during a trip to visit my parents, my mother watched lil' man and commented on how rough he was while taking a bottle - practically chewing on the bottle nipple.  She made a remark about how swollen his gums were and how much that would hurt me.  Umm...yuh-huh....I'm aware. 

I love nursing.  I have exclusively been breastfeeding lil' man since he was born.  It's been amazing.  When I was pregnant I knew teething would come, however I was just considering the long nights of crying....not nipples that become chewing gum for my adorable baby.  Who knew it was possible for nipples to stretch that far?  Yeah....not cool.

I have made it this long nursing;  I am determined to stick this out.  I've made it through all the long nights at the beginning.  I've made it through a bout of mastitis.  I've made it while working full-time, pumping twice (or more) a day.  I've made it through the stage of being soaked in milk in public.  I've given up caffeine and nuts (upset lil' man).  With the exception of a few times, I haven't really drank alcohol in 9 months of pregnancy plus six months since William was born. 

I will make it through this.....nipples intact hopefully.

I'm completely open for any suggestions, mommies out there.

Looking at the numbers - breastfeeding

I had a conversation with my bestie awhile back about breastfeeding and how long women tend to breastfeed.  I felt like it was completely normal for women to breastfeed for at least six months, if not a year or longer.  She thought a year and even six months definitely didn't seem normal or common.  William is only five months old and I have gotten shocked responses when people find out I am still nursing.  Someone over the weekend even looked at me and asked "How much longer are you even going to do that anyway?" as if they were shocked that I would be nursing a five month old still.

I don't have any friends that have babies yet, so I don't have them to go by.  Some people in my family did it, but I guess I never really paid too much attention for how long they nursed.  I knew some of my hubby's friends didn't breastfeed, but I figured those were some exceptions.  I think because of all the lovely mommy bloggers I follow that support breastfeeding and even extended breastfeeding (beyond one year), I figured this was the norm.  So I decided to take a look at the numbers....I was somewhat disappointed.

It's pretty reassuring that 75% of mothers have ever breastfed, but then to see that number is significantly diminished by the time the babies are three months, to 33%, is kind of discouraging.  I was shocked to see that the national average for exclusively breastfeeding by six months was only a 13.3%.  [Source:  CDC]

It was pretty obvious that my understanding of reality was a wee bit off.  But then I kind of wanted to pat myself on the back for keeping it up.  I understand there are many reasons for women not being able to continue to breastfeed - supply (I can totally relate to this one), work, lifestyle, health/medication reasons and I would imagine support is a huge one.  I think a big part of my support  has come from complete strangers in the bloggy world - reading about women that have worked to successfully breastfeed their little ones and many who support extended breastfeeding.  For all you ladies at there that have nursed and probably unknowingly inspired someone else to breastfeed, you should also pat yourselves on the back!  Keep it up!

What are these for?

I'm at the vitamin store and go to check out with my bottle of fenugreek.  The clerk tells me it's buy one get one half off.  I tell him I'm going to go and get another bottle of the same thing.

Clerk:  What is this stuff good for anyway?
Me:  Breastmilk production.
Clerk: [totally embarassed] I wish I hadn't asked....

My favorite time of day

Morning - my favorite time of day.  I wake up (after about 3 snoozes on my alarm) and I sneak a peak at my baby boy, sleeping peacefully in his crib.  Shower, dress, pack lunch and get everything ready to leave for work. 

Then the day begins. 

I tiptoe into lil' man's room and pick him up.  He reaches his arms up to stretch and as I pull him to my chest, he sticks his little butt up in the air, like babies do.  While he's still half asleep, I change him.  Then I nurse him.  I don't turn on the TV.  I don't look at my phone.  I don't think about work.  I don't think about what I need to do after I get off work or tomorrow or next week.  I just nurse him and admire him.  His eyes are still closed and he makes a squeak here and there while eating.  He moves his fingers around and taps my breast.  He's mine...all mine.  He's the most beautiful thing that my eyes have ever seen.  How could I have been so arrogant to think I even had a clue what this would feel like before I was a mother.  My heart explodes.

I place him back in his crib until he wakes up for daddy to start his day with him.  Then the day moves ahead at fast forward speed as I head to work and when I get off, more 'stuff' to do.  But for those 30 minutes or so...just nursing and cuddling with my guy, nothing else matters.....

Pumping at Work

Returning to work after maternity leave can be a big step.  You just had a baby and have spent time off recovering and cuddling up to your little one.  Now you are expected to jump back into the routine of things.  You still want to breastfeed to give your little one the benefits of your milk so you have to tackle pumping and work.  Here are some of my suggestions for returning to work.

1. Know your rights - Ensure you understand your rights when you return to work in regards to your time to pump.  Your employer might already have guidelines and protection for employees to grant them time.  Also, because of federal health reform, an employer is required to provide appropriate time to women to express milk (may be unpaid) up to one year.  Some states have even more legislation protecting these women.  Check it out here:  Breastfeeding State Laws
2. Plan ahead - Talk to your manager or HR about your plans to pump once you return to work.  Where will you be permitted to pump?  Your employer may have a space dedicated for nursing mothers.  If not, what accommodations will be made to allow you the privacy you need.  Keep in mind, under the revisions of the Fair Labor Standards Act, a bathroom is not considered a "permissible" location under the Act.
3. Invest in a pump - Try to make room in your budget for one that will work for you, whether you are planning to buy or rent one.  Since you are returning to work, you might prefer an double electric pump for efficiency.  Check reviews, check manufacturing warranties, ask your friends.  Your pump will become your new best friend!
4. Manage your time - Since you will be taking additional time out of your day to save some milky goodness for your little one, make sure you are managing your time wisely.  Be sure to schedule time on your calendar or with your job tasks that allows you to get the time that you need to do this without going crazy.  Work this out with your supervisor ahead of time so it's one less thing you have to worry about when you return.
5. Minimize stress - Since stress can be a killer for your milk supply, try to minimize your stress levels [yeah, yeah, I know...you now have a newborn and possibly other children and now you have to work....stress might be inevitable].  Once you get to where you will be pumping, try to relax!  Read a book, close your eyes, look at pictures of your little one, take your time - anything to help you relax! [I love taking my phone with me and watching a video of my lil' man that I have saved on it. It helps me relax, brings a smile to my face and even helps with my milk let down!]
6. Seek help - Returning to work and pumping can wreak havoc on your milk supply. If problems arise, seek help early to get things back on track. Check to see if there is a La Leche League in your area or other breastfeeding resources available.
7. Keep it up! - It takes extra time and added work to your already busy schedule, but keep up the good work!  You are giving your baby the best and you should be proud of yourself!  The same is true for anyone who decides to breastfeed, make sure you have family and friends around that are supporting of your decision.  They may be the ones to help you when the road gets rocky!

Breastfeeding Rebound

I want to thank for all the response to my Breastfeeding Troubles post.  Not only has it been so frustrating to have my milk supply decrease after returning to work, but it has been heartbreaking.  If things continued like they were, I don't think I would have made it to William was three or four months breastfeeding.  I felt like because I am a full-time working mom to support my family, it would hinder my ability to care for my baby in another way.  [I understand that might be ridiculous, but it's still upsetting]

I took the advice to add some pumpings through the day - I was now pumping about every other hour for a total of four pumping sessions.  I knew this couldn't last long because I just don't have that kind of time during the day.  But with the four pumpings, I was able to get enough for the next day at least and hopefully work to increase my supply a little.

I then started taking the supplement fenugreek.  Umm....hello again, milk!  It is working like a charm so far and I'm very thankful that my hopes to breastfeed is at least extended by this! 

Thanks for all the suggestions and support!  I'm sure if he could talk, William would thank you too!

Breastfeeding Troubles

Lil' man is now almost 11 weeks old!  How time flies....

I had been looking forward to breastfeeding from the moment I knew I was pregnant.  I couldn't wait to share that bond with my baby and I knew it would be the absolute very best for him.  I took a breastfeeding class while I was pregnant and I read articles and blogs and books and any piece of information I could find to gain enough knowledge to try to make breastfeeding successful.  I went in knowing that it can be a very difficult journey for mommy and baby to get things just right.  I went in with an open mind, but still determined to make it work.

Once LM was born, it was time to put it to the test.  My expectations were blown out of the water.  From the minute he was placed on my chest in recovery, he bobbed around and latched on almost immediately.  I couldn't believe it - I had an overachiever and we were going to be just fine!  The next few days and next few weeks, things went wonderfully and couldn't be better.  (OK, that's a lie, whenever he latched on I had to prevent myself from crying and throwing something across the room because of the pain, but it went away shortly after and things were perfect again)  During my maternity leave, I started building up a supply of milk in my freezer.  I heart my Medela pump and my plan to successfully breastfeed (for at least one year) were laid out in front of me.  I felt so very lucky, this was wonderful!  I love the bonding with my guy and knowing that I am able to provide the most basic need a mother can for him.  He went from 9 lbs at birth to over 13 lbs at 2 months!  I had good milk and plenty of it!

Flash forward to seven weeks after LM was born - I started back to work.  The first few weeks of pumping were just fine.  Plenty for the next day and I was still able to build the stash in the freezer. 

This week, things are different.  My supply over the last few days has dropped significantly.  WHY!?  Eating the same, sleeping the same, drinking the same, stress level is the same.  What is going on?  I'm barely (or not even) able to pump enough for the next day which forces us to dip into our freezer stash that's slowly going down.  I'm worried I'm not producing enough to satisfy him in the evenings.  This causes more stress and probably does nothing to help my milk supply. 

Anyone out there have any suggestions?  I'm already pumping three times during the work day and feeding very regularly in the evenings.  LM is sleeping about 6 hours at night though, so feeding less often then.  I know there are products and supplements out there to help increase milk supply but I'm very wary before taking anything. (I'm open to suggestions though) It breaks my heart to think of supplementing with formula.  Anyone have any advice for a struggling mama?

Hands free pumping!

Today, I discovered a trick!!  Hands Free Pumping for free - check it out here: Hands Free Pumping

I know, I know...there are plenty of options for hands free pumping - bustiers, supports, special bras, really expensive pumps.  With hubby and I on a budget for the new year, we are trying to analyze the money we are spending and asking ourselves "Do we really need that?" 

A $40 support to buy so that I can play Angry Birds on my phone or text or read while pumping at work?  I think the ponytail holders will do just fine.  I've tried it several times and it works like a charm.  Now, if you see me covered in milk because this trusty system failed and I then have to make the shameful, wet walk back to my desk....then I might be investing in something else.  HA!

Stop the Madness!!

Whoa, Nelly - the mommy blogging world is up in a frenzy this morning!!  Words are being thrown out there and debates are being started - mainly on Twitter, I"m hearing....but I haven't taken the leap into Twitter yet.

All because of a Similac voluntary recall. 

For those that aren't aware, there has been a voluntary recall on certain Similac powder formulas. 

What is the reason for this recall - allow me to relay the message from the Similac website:

Abbott is recalling these products following an internal quality review, which detected the remote possibility of the presence of a small common beetle in the product produced in one production area in a single manufacturing facility.  The US FDA has determined that while the formula containing these beetles poses no immediate health risk, there is a possibility that infants who consume formula containing the beetles and their larvae, could experience symptoms of gastrointestinal discomfort and refusal to eat as a result of the small insect parts irritating the GI tract. 
More info:  Similac Recall

......and I'm back from throwing up.....beetle parts and larvae?  That's just nasty!

This is an unfortunate situation for all mommies and babies that are affected by this.  For the moms that trusted in the quality of the product that they are feeding their children, I'd imagine it's quite scary and angering.

However, this is NOT why all the mommy bloggers are in a frenzy!  This incident is just fueling the fire on the breastfeeding vs bottle-feeding debate!  I've said it once, I'll say it again - how a woman chooses to feed her baby is HER decision!  If a parent is going to be able to weigh decision after decision on how to raise their child, I don't understand why this is any different.  Each family needs to decide what is best for them.

Comments like "Breast milk never gets recalled" can just cause problems, in my opinion.  What about the women that didn't have breastfeeding as an option for health or medical reasons?  Mostly, the reason those comments make me mad is that regardless of your stance on the 'best' way to feed your baby, there is not a single person that doesn't deserve to get a quality product that they can trust to feed and nourish their precious babies. 

I couldn't have said it better myself.....

I am always on the look out for blogs to read - I'm loving to read up on other moms' stories and lessons learned and suggestions regarding children or fun gadgets or their journey and suggestions to going green.  I've been finding excellent resources through the blogs I follow and am quite enjoying reading up on the stories (of complete strangers!).

I found a new blog today that I now follow and there is a recent post regarding a topic I am very passionate about - breastfeeding and more specifically breastfeeding in public.  Her post puts into words what I have not been able to do completely successfully and I think everyone should definitely check it out:

Mommy Made Green:  My First Offensive Post

In My Own Opinion - Breastfeeding in Public

This is a topic that I am quite fascinated with - breastfeeding in public.

I had previously asked the question to the readers to provide your opinion (next time I will be sure to offer more options since it seems like these weren't quite the right fit for everyone).  It seems that more than half of the people have voted they are just fine with mothers breastfeeding in public and the rest have voted they are definitely uncomfortable when they see a mother nursing in public.  I'm happy to see that no one selected the "EWWW..." option!

In my opinion - I think breastfeeding in public is absolutely necessary and should not be viewed negatively at all.  I think this is about the most natural and best thing a mother can do for her child and the more I think about it, I am amazed and excited and overwhelmed with even the thought of being able to feed and nourish my baby with my own body!  It's extraordinary and (in Stephanie fashion) magical!

For something to be as natural as it is, I sometimes find it horrifying that we live in a country where so many people have so many negative views regarding breastfeeding in public.  I don't think I've found anyone that is completely against breastfeeding in general - but plenty of people I have talked to feel that mothers should just keep it completely private and only at home.  I also find it horrifying that in this same country we live in, we have to pass laws to protect those breastfeeding women - to prevent them from being charged with something as ridiculous as indecent exposure while feeding their child or from being thrown out of public places.

Let's be clear - I think every woman has a right to be able to feed her babies in whatever manner she chooses, whether it be breastfeeding or bottle feeding.  There are advantages to both it's also understood that breastfeeding is not always an option for all women.  To each his (or her) own....

Let's also be clear - if I'm blessed with the ability to nurse my baby on-the-way, I do not plan to be one of those women that throws inhibition to the wind and is fine with exposing myself to the world - I hope to be able to be somewhat discreet and cover myself during feeding time.  Although, I myself get a bit uncomfortable with the very 'open' method some women feed their babies in public, I can't hardly blame them.  Again, to each his own....  But let's be honest, is a breastfeeding mother really exposing more of herself than most of the advertisements that are splashed around TV or in magazines?

I'm constantly amazed at some of the negative opinions of breastfeeding in public out there.  We now live in a culture that has sexualized the breast so much, that the natural act of a woman feeding her child is such a thing that should only done in private.  We are constantly reminded that we live in this type of culture when we see regular headlines where breastfeeding mothers have been asked to leave public places.  Woman are being asked to leave malls, airplanes, restaurants, stadiums, parks, you name it!  How did we get here?

Here are just a few examples in the last few months:

Mother Harassed for Breastfeeding in OC Store

Mom Breastfeeding at Rockies Game Asked to Stop

Breastfeeding mothers stage nurse-in at Glendale McDonalds

Kentucky woman asked to leave restaurant after breastfeeding infant

Is Breastfeeding 'Creepy'???

While googling baby related stuff on the internet today, I stumbled upon this article from The New York Times.  I've definitely heard and read opinions about women that don't feel comfortable breastfeeding or have made the conscious choice to bottle feed....but depicting breastfeeding as unnatural and "creepy"?  Seriously??

Read for yourself:  Is Breastfeeding Creepy?

I understand that in the culture we live in today has sexualized the breasts so much, that a woman who makes the decision to breastfeed, and does so in public, is sometimes not appreciated by all.  However, by saying that breastfeeding is "creepy" because the "fun bags" are part of your sexuality and your lover should be the one with his (or her) mouth upon it instead of your nursing child.....just makes you sound a little ignorant, I think.  A women's breasts are there to serve that purpose - of providing nourishment to your child. [if you so wish to have a child]  If there is anything more natural than that, please, fill me in. 

Understandably there are plenty of women who make the decision not to breastfeed - medication or medical reasons, adoption, unable to produce milk or to successfully feed, bottle feeding is convenient or just the overall decision to not.  These are all valid reasons and that's the wonderful thing about a woman to be able to decide what is best for herself and her baby.  But painting a picture that it is "creepy"....I still can't get my head around that one.