Thursday, July 7, 2011

An Infant's Guide to Building an Immune System

  1. Anything at a restaurant tastes fantastic.  I'm not talking about the food (let's face it, you probably don't even have teeth yet!), I'm talking about anything around the vicinity of the adults while they are eating.  Start with the table edge, then the high chair, then hopefully one of those paper/menu displays in the center of the table.  Feel your immune system getting stronger by the second.
  2. Shopping cart handles are excellent source of immunity.  Never mind that thousand of people touch it on a regular basis and they are left outside for hours - that's just what gives it that excellent, unique flavor.  Good for your gums.
  3. You may have to look for them, but you may find there are specks of dust or paper or dirt or hair on the rugs since the last time your mom vacuumed five minutes ago.  These might be considered sprinkles on ice cream (you'll learn what those are later).  Take full advantage of your tiny fingers and your proximity to the floor and gobble these up.
  4. While you are on the floor gobbling up bits of "stuff", go ahead and put your entire mouth on the floor.  No need to work on your finger coordination picking up small pieces on the floor when you can just dive in for the real thing.
  5. Do you live in a house with a dog?  You have the immunity-building jackpot.  Hopefully your doggie is nice and cuddly and loves to give you kisses directly on/in your face and mouth.  You can reciprocate by sticking the tail or snout in your mouth for a big ol' baby kiss.  Maybe you could lick the floor together for some lovely bonding time.
  6. While your mom or dad (or aunt, grandma, grandpa, uncle, second cousin, babysitter, anyone will do) is changing your diaper - there are a few exciting options.  First option - grab your private parts before the changer can clean you off and then bring your hand to your face/mouth area.  Watch as said changer freaks out and quickly tells you no.  They aren't upset with you, just upset that you are stealing all the immunity.  Make sure to offer them your hand to help with their immunity.  Another option is to stick your foot in the diaper and then it becomes the perfect time to suck on your toes.  Yum.
  7. You know those vegetables that taste funny that your parents try to feed you?  Those are not meant to be good for you.  The adult human folk will try to tell you that it will help you get big and strong.  It's just a trick to keep little and cute. 
That is all.....

5 comments:

Stef said...

This post makes me smile :)

Kelley, Brendan and Baby Brix said...

great post!!

Alisha said...

OMG #6 made me gag... but #2 made me giggle :)

Hungry Hippo said...

Hahahahahaha!!!!

ghillie_suitor said...

ewwwww but funneeeeee!

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