Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Poop

I'm not going to sugar-coat it....this post is about poop. Not mine, I promise - does that make it any better? Just baby poop in general.

I think the first time I ever kinda figured something was definitely disturbed and wrong with parents of the world, I was in about 5th grade and I was taking a Red Cross babysitting class of some sort. One task we needed to do was take a list of 100 items/questions that a potential parent might want to know when they returned home and I had to pick just three that you would consider 'most important.' OK, I got this - how hard can this be. I selected my three and we went around the room and said what we picked. Pretty normal picks - when and how much did baby eat, what time did they go to sleep, etc etc etc. You get it. The instructor pointed out a question that no one had selected - How many (and types) of poopy diapers.

WTH? That's disgusting.

She's joking, I'm sure.

She's not laughing. Oh dear heavens, she's serious.

OMG, parents of babies must be seriously messed up that they care about poop. ("hehehe, she said poop" - probably what I would have said when I was like 11). Don't you just hold your breath, change the diaper, triple wrap it in a plastic bag, throw in outside garbage can and spray Lysol over the whole house? Who takes the time to look at it or even care that it occurred? Ewww.

Then as I grew up, I heard parents talking about poop but I just basically tried to block it out. Poop? ("hehehe, she said poop" - I was very mature for my age) That's just nasty.

Then I became pregnant and hubby and I diligently went to our childbirth classes. Hand out after hand out was provided about breastfeeding and labor signs and ....WTH! Poop. And this handout was the mother of all handouts - color pictures of all the imaginable types of poop you can imagine. It's just what a woman and man want to see when they are already scared shitless (pun intended) that they are getting ready to have a baby, but then they are handed pictures of poopy diapers to make it just a teensy bit more real. Yeah, you think you are ready with your cutesy little nursery all set up and your hospital bag packed....BAM! Poopy diapers in your face - not so ready, right? Now commence panic attack.

Then little baby comes and it's all cuddles and sunshine and rainbows. It doesn't take but a few days to realize that poop is slowly becoming a very important part of your life. Besides the fact that you are changing a poopy diaper eight times a day. You are now worried about minute detail. What color is it? How much? How often? What consistency? You feel pretty comfortable at first and then....BAM, out of no where the color changes and you call the pediatrician's office at 3am to ask why the poop is suddenly green and they reassure you that it's normal. Or you find yourself texting your friend once a week, worried that your daughter's poop has changed, yet again and you think something is seriously wrong when everything is just fine. (oh yes, Stefanie...you totally do this hehe).

Like it or not...poop is here to stay in the front of your mind for good. At least until potty training.....

NOTE: If you do not have kids and you are still reading this, you are probably staring at the screen in horror wondering WTH is wrong with parents of the world - I know, I've been there. When you have kids, you will understand and then you will think "Oooooh, THAT'S what that girl was talking about!" Just you wait.....

4 comments:

Stef said...

LOL....thanks.... :)

Melissa said...

So true.

Tenacious V said...

And certain kinds of poop are the worst! Blueberry poop and raspberry poop. Bleh.

Hungry Hippo said...

Hahahahaha!!!! Love it!! I totally understand!!

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails