Son, let's talk....

My dear, sweet, darling, William.
You are such an easy-going baby and are so happy almost all of the time.  There are just a few things that you haven't learned yet and I want to make sure it is clear....

1.  You have to remove your hand from your mouth to be able to eat.  I get it, you really want to eat and devour your hand at the same time, but it really tests your sucking ability.  When you are crying because you are so hungry...it's time to put the hand away.
2. Speaking of sucking...you like to suck on your hands and arms, your blanket, toys, everything you can get your hands on.  With those devilish teeth that are starting to emerge, I'm sure it feels good and it's a great form of entertainment.  However, you have begun giving yourself hickeys on your arms and hands.  They look like miniature bruises.  People will start to wonder.
3. When you throw toys off your highchair and then get upset and wonder where they went, it kinda makes you look a little silly.  Mommy will pick them up for you...she's got this, so no need to freak out.
4. Your teeth are starting to come in...please, pretty please, don't bite mommy.  That's not nice.
5. The dog's tail and nose is not a toy.  Pulling, biting, scratching or sucking them is not appreciated, and frankly, not sanitary.
6. If you are so so so tired and you cry because you are so tired, it's OK, you are totally allowed to just...fall...asleep...
7. Why is it when mommy dresses you in the cutest outfit of all time, ready to go show you off, you feel the need to give a diaper explosion that is news worthy?  What's up with that?  If you don't like the outfit, just tell me.
8. I'm not sure what daddy teaches you during the day, but when mommy is changing your diaper and has your legs up in the air while she's wiping you, this is not the time to fart.  It's like playing Russian roulette and someone is going to get hurt.
9. I knew babies drool...but dang...
10. Even with all this, I love you more than ice cream and naps and anything else!