Tuesday, August 24, 2010

I Don't Wanna See That!

As I enter my third trimester, I'm getting used to being pregnant - probably just in time to have it all turned upside down as I grow bigger and more uncomfortable than I can imagine.

I'm realizing, as a prego lady myself, there are a few things that a pregnant woman never wants to see and I've made a list just for you and all you prego or eventually prego women out there.....
  • Her ass in a 3-way, dressing room mirror under fluorescent lighting - Let's face it, no one needs to see that.....and who actually looks good in that kind of lighting anyway!
  • The numbers on the scale......while she's standing on it - Yeah, yeah, I get it, I'm growing a baby, but holy moly, those are some big numbers!
  • The contents of her purse, as they spill out over the floor - Bending over isn't what it used to be.  It either doesn't happen at all or it's the most ungraceful (and definitely un-ladylike) thing possible.  I don't care if it's a towel on the floor or the lipstick I just dropped - maybe I'll just come back for it later.  Better yet, train the dog to pick these things up...hmmm.
  • A mannequin in the store - showing off the most adorable (non-maternity) outfit ever - I had a dream last night of trying on 'regular' clothes at a 'regular' store.  I guess at this point, it's hard to imagine wearing 'normal' clothes again!  HA!
  • The first sign of stretch marks - Understanding these are so normal during pregnancy, no woman ever wants to look down and see her smooth, pretty baby belly start to show the signs of stretch marks that are bound to get bigger and more defined.  I'm hoping to hold out as long as I can..still nothing...yet.
  • Her fingers become swollen (ok, ok and just fat) - When the day came when I almost needed to call for assistance to remove my wedding ring, it wasn't fun.  I bought a "fake" ring to make me still feel like a wed, soon-to-be mother.
  • The alarm clock as she wakes up at 12:00am and again at 3:00am and again at 5:45am to pee - I am currently a 2 to 3 times-a-night pee-er at this time.  I can only imagine as baby grows that bladder will be further and further crushed to waking up even more....and hearing that this is "nature's way" of preparing me for lack of sleep once baby comes is by no means more comforting as I'm heaving myself out of bed, half asleep, in the middle of the night.  HA!
  • Dropping anything - OK, I know this is a repeat, but it's only necessary and I see it as a big problem.  If I drop something (especially in front of people ie. at work), I have a decision to make:  1)  Leave it  2)  Get down on knees to pick it up  3)  Pick it up in a creative, leaning sideways or with legs spread kind of way (but then risk possible splitting of the pants.  Decisions....decisions.....

Did I miss anything, ladies??

1 comment:

Jaclyn said...

Your "I have a decision to make" in the last bullet made me, like, Eddie Murphy laugh.


Related Posts with Thumbnails