I'm (mostly) Not Offended

When I first found out I was pregnant, I started reading pregnancy related books.  Each talked about unsolicited advice or words from other people and strangers - and to be prepared for those.  At that time, if I hadn't told you I was pregnant (or dry heaved on you), you would never have known since I wasn't showing at all and I couldn't comprehend receiving these kinds of words regarding my pregnancy.

I'm not usually a sensitive person (be quiet, Adam!)...and I'm not easily offended.  I can pick up on sarcasm and I like to dish it out myself.  If you ask me a question that someone might perceive as too personal, you might just end up blushing from my answer.

However, my body is rapidly going through changes that you might not be able to fathom unless you experience them for yourself.  My belly is practically exploding in every direction, I have to pee much more frequently, I'm starting to waddle instead of walk, my digestion isn't what it used to be, I'm warmer than I usually am (sometimes it's just plain hot flashes), my belly button is just weird, I'm more hungry, I'm already having a hard time painting my toes or tying my shoes or bending over in general and if there is anything in a nearby vicinity that could be kind of considered a sit-able surface, let's face it - my ass will be sitting.  All of these things make me a little more vulnerable than usual.  Still, it would be hard to offend me.  I'd imagine there are plenty of prego women out there that are far more sensitive than myself and some of the things that people have been asking or saying to me.  I'd guess that if you get a sensitive woman on the right day, at the right time, you'd have her running home crying and diving into a bowl of ice cream - it's what we women do.....

Here are just a few examples of what I'm talking about....

When are you due?  I LOVE THIS QUESTION!  I'm proud to show off my belly and this question implies that the person asking understands that I'm actually with child instead of just fat.  But people, make sure the woman is, in fact, pregnant before posing this question.  WARNING:  Offensive Possibility - if your eyes get so big because you think I look like I'm about to pop any moment, but I'm not actually due for another 3.5 months....not so cool.....

How much weight have you gained?  OK...would you walk up to a stranger and ask them how much they weighed, in general?  Didn't think so.  So why is my weight gain, now that I'm pregnant, any more of your business.  I wouldn't think anyone would actually ask this question - but oh yes...it's happened.

Do you have stretch marks?  Got this one this morning from pretty much a stranger.  Umm, yes, my belly is quite large.  No, I do not have stretch marks...yet.  Next time perhaps just pulling up my shirt to ask them to look for me would be more effective at having that person NEVER ask that question again.

Whoa!  Your baby is gonna be big!  or Wow!  Your belly is huge!  I understand you have picked up on the fact that my belly is quite large for how far along I am.  What if I just have a huge gut with a little, tiny baby in there?  My usual response to this one is "Yup...Pretty sure I'll have a twelve pounder in there."

Oh, that's OK - you're eating for two.  If I'm helping myself to seconds or grabbing a snack from the vending machine, I'm probably just hungry and a fat ass.  My 1.5 pound baby probably doesn't have the craving for those cinnamon zingers or Cheez-its that I'm about to consume and I know he doesn't need to eat any extra food.  I just like to eat - same as before pregnancy.

Were you trying?  OK, not a huge fan of this one.  Is our sex life any of your business?  Possible responses to this question:  "F*** NO!  I wish someone would have told us where babies come from!" or "Umm, not, but now we are kinda stuck with it now."  Seriously, we are so happy we are expecting our baby William.  We were ready to welcome a baby anytime.  This is none of your business and much more rude than you might imagine.  What if the kid was an accident?  Don't you feel bad now??!

How soon until you start trying for another?  This might be a question my husband and I talk about to each other, but we still have a way to go baking the current one in the oven...let's focus on this one for now.

Rubbing my belly - This actually hasn't happened too much but I don't think I'd mind.  Again, I'm proud of my belly (even though it's ginormous!) and proud that I have a kicking, adorable (I know he is) baby boy in there!  I'd imagine this is not true for many women though, so I'm not encouraging touching of the belly.  If someone asks that I don't want to touch, I might respond "Only if I can touch yours next!"

Tell horror labor stories - This is not my favorite.  I'm all about being informed with reasonable expectations and concerns that you can share from experience, but PLEASE refrain from telling a pregnant woman the worst imaginable story regarding childbirth or pregnancy that you heard from a friend of a friend of your Aunt Jane that was a true story.  Not cool, man......

With all this said, you still probably don't need to worry about offending me.  With the exception of the pregnancy horror stories, I'm pretty much fine with anything you throw at me.  If you are a friend or a family member and are just curious - I'm willing to talk about everything....I mean EVERYTHING!

What questions have you heard people ask to pregnant women or has someone asked you while you were pregnant?